Bridal Parties - My thoughts
One of the things I feel passionate about as a marriage celebrant is empowering couples to have the wedding they actually want.
Having a bridal party (or choosing not to have one) that suits them can be a big part of creating their dream wedding—not the wedding they think they need to have. Most people’s lives and relationships don’t fit into the formula you often see in wedding parties (two people getting married with three attendants of the same gender on either side). So then why are we all trying to make our crew fit into this mould for our wedding day? To me, it’s a bit of a shame when people feel that need to scramble to find a third person to add to their bridal party just to make it even, or when a groom’s sister is made a bridesmaid even though she’s not particularly close with the bride.
So here are my thoughts on bridal parties.
Let go of even numbers!
You don’t need three on each side! If one of you has two besties and the other has three, that is totally fine. Work with your celebrant to make this a non-issue during your ceremony so you can pick the people you actually want standing beside you. Think of how awkward it is for that “third wheel” who probably knows they were added just to even out numbers—yet still had to take on all the big responsibilities of a bridal party member! If you choose someone just to flesh out the numbers, you might regret it when you look back on your wedding years down the track.
Let go of the gender divide
If you’re a straight couple planning your bridal party around gender but it’s not quite working—consider letting all that go. If you want your sibling in your bridal party because they’re close to you, do it! Never mind their gender, and please don’t make them stand on your spouse’s side just because they “should.”
If you have a groomswoman (a woman on the groom’s side), she can wear black, match the suits, or choose something she feels comfortable in. If you have a man among your bridesmaids, he can wear a suit to complement the dresses—or better yet, just embrace a mix of styles and colours within your bridal party!
A trick to making it all look seamless on the day…
This works for any bridal party, but it’s especially handy if you have uneven numbers or a mix of outfits—let your bridal party sit down at the ceremony.
Your groomspeople can be by your side as you watch your spouse come down the aisle (if that’s something you’re doing), and the bride’s crew can walk in with her. Then, once they’ve done their bit, they can take a seat! Your celebrant can reserve seats for them in the first or second row.
This way, your closest people actually get to see your faces as you say your vows, cry happy tears, and marry the love of your life. They can relax (instead of holding heavy bouquets and squinting into the sun), and if you’re worried about how an uneven or mixed bridal party will look in photos, seating them removes the issue altogether.
An alternative to the bridal party
Another trend I’m seeing more often is couples skipping the bridal party altogether. I personally did this and loved the simplicity it brought to my wedding day.
I still got ready with my best friends, had them by my side for important moments, gave them special roles in the ceremony, and got beautiful photos with them—just without the matching dresses (and shoes, hair, accessories, etc.). It meant our portrait session only took 20 minutes because it was just my husband and me heading off for photos, while my besties enjoyed cocktail hour with their partners and friends.
So I highly recommend throwing out the rule book when it comes to bridal parties and getting creative! Your guests won’t mind and will hardly notice small changes like this—they’re more interested in a smooth, enjoyable day with good food and drinks. So you may as well have a bridal party that actually represents your most valued relationships.
